Hi Everyone,

            Brian has an appointment to see Dr. Francisco Durazo at UCLA Liver Transplant Center on Monday, February 4th at 8:00 in the morning!!!!  Dr. Durazo is the physician who attends St. Bedes' where our friend Fr. Kevin Kester is Associate Pastor.  Together, Fr. Kevin, Brian's Aetna advocate, and the GI specialist procured an appointment on Monday. There are many arrangements to make in the coming days.  Brian is much too sick to travel back and forth.  Maureen and the advocate are working to have him admitted for the pre-transplant evaluation.  If this is not possible, other arrangements will have to be made.  Friends and family who live near the medical center have graciously offered guest rooms. Please pray that God will provide the best situation possible and a way to access all that Brian and Maureen need. 

          As you know, Brian has asked me to share his situation openly. (After what I am going to say here, he may censor me for good)!  I have to say that for me, the joy of this wonderful news of UCLA is tempered by watching Brian's suffering increase these past couple of weeks. Brian does not complain or ask for much. In particular, he does not ask for compassion or empathy - but I am weary from standing by helplessly and want to ask for him.  Brian does his best to appear as well as he can for others. Lately, you may have noticed that his cell phone goes straight to voicemail. He is just too sick to answer the phone most of the time. Brian is struggling from moment to moment right now, suffering on many levels in profound ways.  He is so grateful for every little thing that we do.  None of it has helped much, except to know that we are trying to find something that brings relief. Thank you for your prayers, calls, cards, letters, gifts and visits. There are days when that is all there is; these messages from all of you, and the belief that God cares about this great suffering.  As the intensity of Brian's misery increases, more than ever our prayers, encouragement and support are needed.  There are times when it is hard for him to find the strength to go on and to believe that things will get better.  Sometimes, the best that he can do is to wish for God to take him home, to be free of this misery.  We know that God does not send more than we can handle, but the cup of capacity is near to spilling over from physical misery and emotional pain.

ANYTHING that can be done for Brian is so appreciated. We do not yet know the extent of the needs that Brian and Maureen will face, but they are sure to be a challenge.  Please be thinking of ways that you or others can lend a hand.  Once we know more about what the options are from UCLA, we will be able to direct our effors in specific areas.  Maureen and Brian promise to pass information on to us as it comes available, and I promise to make you aware of any needs in the event that one of us can meet it.  For now:

• Brian needs a folding wheelchair and a wheelchair cushion.  If anyone has one or can borrow one, that would be wonderful. (We have been waiting on his insurance company for this but things move so slowly in the HMO system).
• We are in the process of finalizing a non-profit entity so that we will be able to raise funds for Brian and others suffering from liver disease.  Once that is in place, our friends the Ravelers, have offered to hold a concert to raise money for the organization.  When that happens, we will be looking for volunteers to help with concessions, "passing the hat" and other chores that will make this event a success. 
• For financial reasons, Maureen cannot take Family Medical Leave.  (In Calif. we are allowed to take 12 weeks off but are only paid a percentage of our usual wage for 6 weeks).  Once Mo has used all of her sick and vacation time, Brian will need transportation to and from appointments, and perhaps some "Brian sitting".  So far, he has been able to stay alone while we are at work, but really shouldn't be. 
• Maureen cooks on the weekends for the coming week but this is becoming quite a burden both physically and financially.  We talked about cooking some meals and freezing individual portions.  The time is here to move forward with this.
• We have not had any serious bites on the '66 pick up truck that needs to be sold.  Please take an active role in looking for someone who may be interested in such a vehicle.
• Fatigue is a constant issue for both Brian and Maureen.  It would be very helpful to organize a work party every few weeks to go at it with the vacuum, mop and furniture polish.  (Cleaning someone elses stuff is always more fun than doing your own)!
• Brian is battling a Texas-sized depression.  He loves all of us so, I think that it would be helpful if he had our voices taped to listen to.  Please consider reading aloud onto a tape so that he can hear beloved, familiar voices reading books, short stories, newspaper articles, whatever.  (He has my small handheld recorder, and I have an old tape cassette recorder if anyone wants to use it.  He can also play CD's on the computer if you can record to them). 
• Post a message to the CaringBrigde website weekly. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/briancarlson   Maureen reads messages to Brian if he is too sick to read them himself.  They both really look forward to this. 

Thanks so much for your patience when I don't communicate as succintly as I could!  Keep the prayers coming!  Let me know if you can attend to any of the needs that I have listed. 

Love to all,

Tina